Remuda Ranch

Coping with a Child Who Has an Eating Disorder

• Learn all you can about eating disorders.
• Don’t expect your child to acknowledge the problem or embrace your help. Your child may feel extremely threatened by the thought of giving up the dysfunctional eating behavior.
• Don’t believe your child’s claim that s/he does not need professional help.
• Obtain treatment for your child.
• Seek help only from healthcare professionals/facilities that specialize in eating disorders.
• Be patient. Treatment takes time; recovery may take months or years and involve relapses.
• Participate in family therapy as recommended by treatment providers.
• In conflicts about decisions, do not retreat from your position for fear that your child will become more ill. Your child needs clear, kind, and decisive communication.
• Maintain a supportive, confident, hopeful posture.
• Express honest affection verbally and physically; your child needs to know that s/he is loved.
• Talk with your child about personal issues other than food and weight.
• Do not demand weight gain or berate your child for having an eating disorder.
• Do not become your child’s policeman. If you see a change in your child’s weight or behavior, call his or her counselor or physician.
• Expect your child to be responsible for his or her actions by replacing food that was binged on and cleaning up messes (bathroom, kitchen, etc.).
• Expect your child to be with the family during meal times, but do not demand that s/he eat.
• Do not let your child decide what the family eats for dinner. Do not allow your child’s eating problem to dominate the family’s eating schedule or use of the kitchen. Do not allow your child to shop or cook for the family. Don’t purchase or prepare food only for the eating disorder child.
• Don’t make mealtime a battle of wills.
• Don’t watch the person when eating or make comments about food.
• Don’t apologize for or make excuses for the person’s eating habits.
• Don’t play nutritionist. Don’t give detailed food and nutrition-related advice. Model and talk about balance and moderation.
• Don’t read your child’s journal.
• Don’t catastrophize. Do not say, “Your illness is damaging the whole family… I can’t take much more of this.” Catastrophic statements may encourage more eating disorder behavior.
• Don’t say, “Help me to help you!” or “What can I do for you?” These statements suggest that the child knows what s/he needs to heal from the eating disorder, when s/he does not.
• Don’t allow your child to disrupt your life through manipulation, arguments, threats, blame, guilt, bribes, or resentment.
• Don’t feel guilty, or waste time figuring out the cause of the eating disorder or assigning blame. Remember that families neither cause nor cure eating disorders.
• Do not protect your child from the natural consequences of the eating disorder. The pain it causes to your child and others will motivate recovery.
• Be limitless in supporting and encouraging every hint of recovery that you see.
• Don’t put your child’s needs before your own. Don’t exhaust yourself. Take care of yourself for the long journey of recovery, modeling balance and health.
• Pray and trust God with the outcome.

For additional information about Remuda Programs, please call 1-800-445-1900 today.